God's Girl

Revival began at our church Wednesday night.  The pastor, Dr. Manley, is one who truly practices what he preaches.  What I've been hearing from him these last few nights is that the most important thing we can do is focus on Jesus.  He's made so many interesting points.  For example, did you know that the day of Pentecost was celebrated fifty days after the Passover Feast?  And Acts 2:1b is redundant, for emphasis on the fact that the disciples were all together with one accord.  This isn't what I wanted to talk about, though.  The one thing Dr. Manley has said that stood out to me more than anything else is this:  Christianity isn't living your life for Jesus.  It's letting Jesus live His life through you.  Now, I've always had the idea that I had to live for Jesus.  Always.  When he said that I'm supposed to let Christ live in me, I realized that made more sense to me than my former theology.  He made the especial point last night that we should be mesmerized with Jesus.  Nothing else should matter.  Nothing else would matter if He completely filled our vision.  And I so want that to be the case with me.  Here's another thing he said that stood out to me: When facing temptation, resistance doesn't work.  To resist temptation, you have to face it.  When you face it, you focus on it.  When you focus on it, it...gets...bigger... so then, you're tempted more, so you have to resist more, so you end up focusing more, and it....gets....bigger....so you're tempted more, so you have to resist more, so you focus more, and it....gets....bigger.... on and on and on.  You will lose that battle.  BUT, if you're tempted while being completely taken up with Jesus, you'll have your back on that temptation, and it will die off into nothing.  You must love Jesus more than whatever the world can throw at you.  I know this works; I have personally experienced it.  And, after hearing two great philosophies two nights in a row, I can't wait for tonight!

 

Lauren

I have decided never to own a television.  I had basically made up my mind about that anyway, but now I'm 100%-amen certain.  What inspired this decision, you ask.  I'll tell you:  watching The Green Mile last night.  (Tom Hanks is in it.)  It was one of the ugliest movies I have ever seen, and I'm planning on it being the last.  Some of my readers may disagree with my statement about the movie being ugly.  I don't care whether they agree or not.  I know what that video did to my mind and heart and I regret that we even had it in our house.  I have always been so idealistic.  You know, Nature Girl and determined student and dedicated piano player and noble Bible-reader.  That's me.  And I still am that way.  Nothing major has changed.  Except that now I'm aware of a whole new level of sin and despair in the world that I really didn't want to know about.  I prefer learning about those things from life experiences, not a 2-hour film that violently shoves these confusing, frightening images into your mind.  So, today is going to be rather hectic, and I'm glad of it.  I won't have a chance to remember everything that I want to forget.  And I'm going to tell my friend Susan, who has never seen a movie rated PG-13, that I envy her.  And that I'll follow her example.  I get to hang out with her this afternoon, so I'm looking forward to that.  We won't talk about the movie in detail, though.  I wouldn't do that to her. 

I had a soccer game this afternoon.  It was at 4:35.  I had eaten a banana, an apple, an egg and a bowl of salad for breakfast and lunch.  That was it.  Now, I thought my game wasn't too bad.  I scored a goal, and was affecting plays.  However, both of my parents said that I didn't do well at all.  Mom said I was at 40% performance-wise. Dad said I had one good play(the one that I scored in), but everything else I did was jog in a 10-yard square area.  He didn't know that I hadn't eaten alot, but he guessed it.  I can't believe that!  Anyway, my confession is that I am totally obsessed with myself.  Not to the extent of putting down other people or going to get manicures on a regular basis or shopping regularly for the latest fashions.  But I try to impress everyone that sees me.  I try to keep myself looking like a tall, mature 'woman of the world.'  And in my messed-up brain, that image is best kept by being very slim.  Therefore, my constant aim is to keep myself a certain size, and heaven help me if my stomach pokes out!  Eating next to nothing before a soccer game, an INDOOR soccer game......it's shown me how stupidly naive that I've been.  I know I'm hurting myself, but what really scares me is the fact that I can't stop myself from stopping myself.  Get it?  Even when I know I should eat more, I don't.  My mouth seals itself shut.  I've realized that not only is it dangerous for my health, it's dangerous for my character.  I'm being incredibly selfish, putting my image above everything else that's worthwhile.  You know the saying, "A hundred years from now it won't matter about this and this and this"?  It won't matter on hundred years from now whether I'm fat or thin, what color my hair is, and whatever else is portrayed as desirable.  One hundred years from now, what's left of my body will be popped into a box and stuck in the ground, and I'll be up in heaven wondering why on earth I ever cared about how I looked.  I'm sick of this!  I want to stop!!!!!!!!

Last week I posted a blog that mentioned the fact I would be speaking during the halftime of a basketball game at our church.  Well, I did it.  My family said I did really well, and I am going to have to trust their opinion.  I can't remember a single word I said.   But I did it, with God's help.  That's the very first time I've spoken into a microphone in front of a group of people.  And as we were driving home, I realized it's not what I say.  It's what I do; how I live is what people will notice about me.  If I talk about living a Christian life and watch bad movies or treat my family wrong, then I'm a hypocrite.  Christians are supposed to follow God and His commands.  They can't say, "I love Jesus" and then turn around and lie to their parents or gossip about their coworkers or look at things they're not supposed to. (You know what I mean.)  When I was younger, I wanted to look like someone who was a perfect little lamb because everyone would admire me for that.  Over the last year, I have only begun to stratch at the surface of my self-absorption.  But now, everyday I pray to be someone that will show Jesus in their life.  There's a blog that I visit; I have it on my customs list.  One of the girls said that Chrsitians should try to be windows, so that when people look at them, they look right through to God and His love for them.  If we're comvered with 'fingerprints' of selfishness and pride, people won't see God in us.  Here's a quote that I've recently tried to incorporate into my life:  "Live each day knowing that Jesus is with you, watching each action, knowing each thought, and hearing each unspoken word.  Make an effort to bring Him pleasure in all that you do." --Gail Martin  Keepng that in my mind has helped me make decisions that please God. 

 

Lauren

About me and reading books. I love reading.  Last night I reorganized all the books in my room and now I'm counting them up.  I have 215 books, not counting all of my Guideposts magazines.  When I was younger, I used to spend every spare minute with my nose in a book.  Now that I'm older, I don't really have spare minutes anymore.  Anyway, books have the hugest influence on me.  When I read Sense and Sensibility, I was literally talking like an English girl in the early 1800s.  I went around with my chin up, and kept my back absolutely straight whenever I was sitting.  It's hard to keep up such a charade though, if you're the only one doing it.  My family usually dampens my queenly attitude by being....well, my family.  They bring me back to myself.   When I read Sherlock Holmes, I kept my eyes open and my mouth shut.  I was audaciously trying to imitate the great detective's deducing style!  I don't do it anymore, but I've always been a people watcher.  So if you're ever around me, know you're being watched.  This is the funniest one:  Whenever I read about pioneer women and how they wash and bake and sew and clean, I will put the book down and wash the dishes, make some muffins, do the laundry, and restock the woodpile.  And I have fun doing it.  One man is quoted as saying that work is the secret of happiness. (I can't remember his name.)  I will agree with him on that point.  If you're a major couch potato, I dare you to throw away the TV.    Yeah, I doubt anyone would actually do that.  Which is pathetic.  Has anyone ever considered electronic amusement devices, coupled with fast food, might be the source of America's obesity problem?  They just blame it on the food. I've heard stuff about video game addicts, so I know it's a problem.  I also knew that if I typed up something under the category of books, it would stray to something totally different. (Like my pet peeves about modern 'fun' machines.)  That's why I've had trouble with research papers in English.   I jump from one thing to another.  But one point I wanted to make was the fact that after I read my Bible, I have never deliberately embarked on a 'act-like-this-character' mission.  I do it all the time with other books, so what's my problem?  Could it be that it's easier to imitate wordly characters, rather than godly ones?  (Duh, Lauren, that's fairly common knowledge.) It's weird how my brain automatically shuts down.  Or maybe because I'm so busy talking to God after reading my Bible, all of it sort of passes away, and I don't tell myself to be like this character.  I think I've found something new to undertake!

 

Lauren